Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Doughy White Guys

Eric O of Null Device recently posted an amusing list of do's/don'ts for the synthpop set. A few highlights:

No naming your band after classic synthpop songs or lyrics. Obscure ones, however, are acceptable. So if you're a Kraftwerk fan, naming your band "Pocket Calculator" is right out, but "Der Telefon Anruf" is fine. If you're a dM fan, only "Ice Machine" is left.

It's okay to wear something other than black in your stage shows. Since many electronic-music artists are doughy white guys, things like tight pants and fishnet shirts should probably be avoided.

If you do "darker" stuff, please, please for the love of god stop singing about replicants. Even Bill Leeb has given up on that.

If anyone asks, the reason you've adopted the sound of the 80's is because of postmodern irony. Do NOT admit to actually liking it. The same is true for vintage gear. You bought the Moog because of the inherently unstable tuning and the hilariously dated graphic design, not because you like the sound. If you own a 303, it's because it's overused and kitschy and you want to be ahead of the curve for the inevitable acid revival.

Go to GoodWill and buy a bunch of toys that make goofy noises and maybe a cheap old casio keyboard. Leave them scattered about your studio, and keep a soldering iron handy. You never have to actually do anything with them, but it will give you immense cred when the photographers from FutureMusic stop by.

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